Helping others help themselves

My Uncle Chuck has spent most of his life so far working for the steel companies in Detroit. When they started to fall on hard times 5 or so years ago, hechose to retire and begin working for PIME Missionary in Detroit. He has gone to India a couple of times, visiting the poor and the sick through mission activities.He has also helped to set up the Mission Store. Following is an article he wrote to help share the story of the Mission Store and the people behind it.
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The Mission Store continues to explore opportunities for our sponsors to help the people help themselves. Fr. Franco Cagnasso tells us of an ambitious group of young ladies from one of our missions in Bangladesh who have handcrafted some of the beautiful jewelry that has been marketed and sold through the Mission Store.


And the leader of this enterprise? Martha...a young woman of about 30 with two beautiful children - an 8 year old girl and 5 year old boy. And a cruel drunkard husband who is in jail.

Fr. Franco shares this story about Martha...

Some time back, Martha appeared at one of the PIME houses in Dhaka. Weak and pale with a high fever, and bleeding from a kidney operation that she had the previous day. The Sisters of Mother Teresa were contacted to address her needs. Having received the care that she needed, she left the Sisters only to return a few weeks later to say "thank you" and to offer some of her handicrafts in gratitude.

Born in the south of Bangladesh to a poor landless family, she came to Dhaka as a child with her parents and three sisters looking for a better life. Her father used to pull a rickshaw, work that killed him in a few years. Her mother collected wastepaper from door to door in an effort to make some kind of living, and the children helped by rummaging here and there along the streets. Martha and her sisters were fortunate to have learned a little bit of reading and writing that would help them along the way.

When her mother died, Martha took the lead, struggling like a tiger for her life and for her sistrunning through corn mazes lost and scared on halloweeners, by doing any kind of work. One such job included housekeeping for a British family, where she picked up sufficient English to make herself understood. She read old fashion magazines, providing her with design ideas for handicrafts.

Martha lives with her two chgetting married on halloween and to be another corpse coupleildren, her younger sister Purnima (meaning 'full moon') and a colorful little group of girls whom she accepts in her small house when they get into trouble for any reason. She teaches them how to use a sewing machine, how to create Christmas decorations, to clean a modern house, to make rosaries and necklaces, and to print cloth for saris.

"With me," she says, "they often starve, but we starve together. I do not exploit them. They learn how to make a living...and they feel accepted."

Martha has a strong. simple faith. "I am a sinner," she says. "I tell lies... But only to survive."

She says that Pope John Paul II smiled at her in a dream. She keeps a photo of him in her house and feels protected by his prayer.

Martha and the girls continue their struggle. They put on the only sari they have or their best "punjabi" and go to sell their products in the rich areas of town, knocking at the doors of clubs, schools, fairs and exhibitions, convents and pthe tradition of wearing costumes on halloweenarishes. They keep cleaning houses, washing clothes, and occasionally being babysitters and cooks. From time to time, Martha is called to teach school children how to decorate their classroom or to prepare gifts for their parents. They starve when there is no money; they feast when they earn some.

PIME World magazine has supported the efforts of these ladies by offering some of their handicrafts in the October 2006 issue and again in this issue. Life is still difficult, but Martha and the girls are more confident and they boast: "We sell our jewels even in America!"

Help us help these hard working ladies help themselves through your support.
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You can help Martha and other women like her by purchasing handcrafted, fair-trade gifts through the PIME Mission Store Online. They have a nice selection of handmade jewelry, as well as handpainted Christmas cards. All of the proceeds benefit the crafters and PIME Missionaries.

Craptacular potty celebrations!

Pat did his very first wee and poo on the potty this morning! Yay! Bodily functions! I haven't been this excited to have someone crap since I was a surgeon!!

In celebration... here is my great giveaway- get set for the longest post ever.

First of all, a holiday snap that also fulfils that 'belly shot' criterium: me wallowing in the awesome pool reading Stephenie Meyer





and also a recent shot of my grown up little boy:


And now, the STUFF!


First of all: shoes. A little strange, but that's just me. All of these are pre-worn, I love them all dearly but there is just no way I will ever get my feet back in them. Ever. again. They are mostly flats: I have problems with my feet- they're flat, broad and oddly shaped (the head of my navicular bone sticks way out like an extra anklebone), so I don't get to wear many heels.

Possibly my most favourite pair of heels ever. They are beaded all over with red satin heels. A little worse for wear (I tripped down a grating, so some of the satin is scuffed). The brand is Nat-Sui- size 41, and the widest point is 9cm across the sole.

Next, a duo of ballet flats by Sambag. They are all size 41, with the soles measuring 27cm long by 8.5 cm at the widest point. First of all, black suede moccasin-style:

and then embroidered green cord. These have a little more wear on them, around the toes, but it's nothing you notice when they're on your feet.


Ok, now

Suede lace ups by Fiona Mc Guinness. These are a size 41, sole28.5cm x 8.5 cm. Lovely in winter with opaques and a long skirt.
These are my 'corset' shoes. They look a little bondage, but on your feet look like a sweet little tie-up corset. I LOVED these shoes to deatget your pets dressed up on halloweenh- consequently, they have lots of wear: one of the soles is very thin but you could easily glue on a new one. The leather is in top shape, though. Look great with fishnets.



Red very pointy shoes by Robert Robert, full length of the sole is 28.5cm and 8.5 wide at the very widest. I can't see the size on them, but at a guess they are 41s.

Now, clothes.
A Black Laura Ashley pure wool jacket. I used to use this for job interviews, and the like, but it's really nice- it's a 5-button affair, and is a bit 'riding jacket' style. My bust is way too big for it now.It's a size 16, fully lined, very very nice, I hate to part with it, but there's seriously no way I'll ever wear it again.
This skirt is deep chocolate brown with black jacquard flowers in a velvet/suede. The trim at the bottom is a mink velvet. It's made of a stretch material, is size 16 Mosaic (NZ)label. The unstretched waist measurement is 40cm across (80cm circumference) but it does stretch well.
This is a lovely lambswool jumper. It has a brown neck trim. The stitch changes over where the bust should be- about 10cm too high for me, so it just makes my boobs look like they're down at the navel. It's a size 4: I guess that's about a 14/16. The brand is Raiss- quite mumsy, but can look sweet too.
This is a very versatile black stretch velvet skirt I bought many year sago, and despite it being VERY stretchy, I just never wear it anymore. It's a size 12 and is in very good nick. The unstretched waist is 70cm, but, like I said, it stretches amazingly well. Because it's a a-line you won't get that tucked under the bum' look. I could still wear it today, i just forget to.

This is a skirt by NZ label Robyn Jones. It still has the plastic tag thing in the label. I bought it on sale and wore it maybe once. I have so many black skrunning through corn mazes lost and scared on halloweenirts it's embarrassing. The skirt is black georgette/organza type stuff with a nile lily printed on the lining fabric which is dark grey. Gosh it's nice. Unlike most of the stuff here, it's not stretch- size 16, 90cm waist.

This is another skirt I love, I just never wear anymore. It's made of a black fairly sturdy fabric with a bit of stretch in it, but with this red/burgundy panel that isn't appliqued, rather it flaps over. It's really very very nice. It's getting a little tight for me, to be honest which is probably why I don't wear it as much as I could. It's by Moss- another NZ label, size 16, 90cm waist but with some stretch.

Finally, stretchy Green/brown/greyish (I think the label said 'tobacco', whatever that means) pants. Also by Mosaic, size 16. It has a roll waist so i suppose technically you'd call them yoga pants? They're made of a stretchy but fairly dressy fabric. I used to wear them constantly, but now I'm too fat.
Didn't i just make this? Umm, yes. But due to the asshattery of pattern companies, I had to guesstimate my pre-pregnancy measurements to get the pattern size, and although I measured the pattern up against an existing pregnancy tee, it just, doesn't, fit. Slightly stretchy, cross-over bodice with a back tie. Technically it's maternity wear, but i reckon you could get away with it unpreggo.

Finally, stuff stuff.

Red widewale cord, 110wide by 1.5m. I bought this to make Pat a pair of overalls, but the sheen on the pile makes it look ever so slightly pink. I kept it in case Hounsfield was a girl, but he ain't. Therefore, free to a good home.

Broadcloth printed with mushrooms. Retro. A bigger piece, l-shaped, 110cm across, 50cm of that full width, then about another 75cm of half-width.

and smaller mushrooms, 0.5mx 110wide. I've put a dollar coin to show the print size. That's about, what, probably an inch in diameter, probanbly slightly less.


Enough red yarn for me to have started but never finished a cardy. They are all from the same dyelot, about 15 balls. It's Cleckheaton "Show Off", 60% Acrylic, 40% polyester, each ball is 50g/32metres/35yards approx. The guage is 9 stitches by 13 rows to make a 10x10cm square, using 9mm/00(UK)/US13 needles. It's a slightly orangey-red, deeper than the photos show- more like the photo showing the single thread of yarn. I can knit, and this knits quickly, but I just never have the time anymore. Or the patience.

Finally, If nothing is appealing, I can make some little person clothes to your specs: maybe a hoodie:a hat

or a dress?Or anything else you have seen on this blog- let me know the date of the post...

I'll also give away my copy of 'Twilight' and "new Moon"- I can't think I'll ever re-read them and MrT is very unlikely to want them...

I'll probably also throw in a load of my other unwanted stuff i can't be bothered photographing- this whole project has taken me way longer than I ever thought at first..

The catch: well, it's very easy. Just tell me what you like and why you like it in the comments. I'll post a the tradition of wearing costumes on halloweennew gmail address for you to write to, soon, maybe tomorrow (ha ha ha, I can hear y's all laughing from here), so maybe just the somments for now.

Hope youse are all grouse!

Reversing the gaze

Despite the stacks of "regular" books on my nightstand, it is rare that I make time to read a book that is not a required text for one of my courses. I made an exception, however, with Culture Keeping: White Mothers, International Adoption and the Negotiation of Family Difference by Heather Jacobson.

I was contacted by the publisher and asked if I would read and review the book. I'm so glad I made the time. In light of a lot of the discussions I've been part of (as subject, link, or participant) lately in the blog-o'sphere, especially with the young teen starlet who likes to make "goofy faces," this book is all the more relevant in the whole context of international and transracial adoption discourse.

Although I'm not personally mentioned (she mentions adult adoptee blogs and forumhomemade cow halloween costumess), Jacobson does mention the huge influence that adult Korean adoptees have made on the way in which adoption agencies now think of "culture keeping" and the encouragement they give adoptive parents to engage in incorporating their internationally adopted child's ethnic culture into the family. Jacobson writes,

"These cautionary tales from the past have had a profound effect on how the adoption community (and industry) approaches the ethnic socialization of internationally adopted children. Contemporary adoption practices, policy, and international adoption discourse now emphasize the importance of culture keeping."

I thought it was interesting that in this study Jacobson compares the culture-keeping of White adoptive parents who adopt from Russia with those who adopted children from China. The practices and extent of culture keeping vary quite a lot between these two families. A big part of why this is has to do with race; the visible differences for the Chinese adoptive families compared to the Russian adoptive families, who can choose whether or not to disclose the adoption, means that for the Russian adoptive families the lack of racial differences (although the cultural differences are huge) could be a reason to not engage in culture keeping.

I liked that Jacobson ties in the responsibilites of culture keeping as an expectation placed on the mother, and that definitely is what I've seen in my own practice experiences. Whether it is in the contexts of adoption or in parenting in general, there exists a noticeable silence about fatherhood and fathering. Jacobson writes that s10 halloween costumes in 2008he did not specify in her call for participants that she was looking only for mothers and in fact, shares that often times adoptive fathers who were contacted "handed over" the project to their wives almost as if there was an acknowledgment that it was their wive's job to do the culture keeping (Jacobson's sample had 46 participants - six were fathers. Single parents and GLBT parents were also in her sample).

One of the findings from this study (and although it is no real surprise to me, it is still somewhat shocking) is how much the adoptive parents of Chinese children did not consider having a racially and ethnically Asian child to be problematic in the same ways as if they had adopted a Black or African child.  Those who chose not to adopt achoose halloween mask to make the perfect halloween costume Black child often did so because of racist family members who would not accept a Black child but didn't object to an Asian child; often the "model minority" stereotype was a factor, and some seemed to encourage that stereotype. To me, this reinforced the perception that there is little or no racism towards Asians, which is false. This is also worrisome to me because it seems to suggest that adoptive parents actively encourage stereotyping and promotes a racial hierarchy.

I was also interested to read Jacobson's critique that although parents of Chinese children often participated in culture and language schools and camps, FCC, and participated in what I call the "tourist" version of cultures (that which can be purchased), that

"the China-adoptive mothers I interviewed did not look to Chinese or Asian American mothers as role models for how to raise their children, nor did they see themselves as connected to earlier international-adoptive mothers (with children from Korea, for example) or interracial (biological) families. Rather, they...considered themselves "pioneers" when it came to raising their daughters."

Jacobson also finds in her study is that despite the heartfelt attempts to recognize the importance of keeping their child connected in some way to their ethnic cultures, many of these adoptive parents struggled with how much and in what ways to do so. Some, it seems, felt pressured by other FCC families they know who seemed to be doing "more" in terms of culture keeping. However, as Jacobson recognizes, these attempts towards "authentic" Chinese culture that many of the adoptive parents wanted reflected only a certain kind of "Chinese" culture - that is China as in the country of China (far away) or Chinese immigrant communities. Jacobson found that China-adoptive parents determined that Chinese immigrants practiced a "more genuine Chinese culture" and not a "watered-down version of Chinese-ness" and furthermore, these adoptive parents were disinterested in current modern, Chinese American history or politics.

Overall, I thought this book was definitely thought-provoking and highly recommend it. One thing I was thinking about as I read this, was the idea of "reversing the gaze."* Reversing the gaze here in this context is about how the adoptive parents construct ideas and activities around culture and race rather than looking at how the adopted children construct their identiies in terms of culture and race. Frankly, I'm getting kind of tired reading about how we adoptees are doing; I'm interested in how adoptive parents are doing too.

*thanks to Indi for the information on "reversing the gaze."

* ETA 3/2 - Although this book is based on a research study, I wanted to let people know it's a very accessible and easy to read book!